As a gay person raised Christian I am so sick of this wishy-washy half-in-half-out approach. Christians who spout hatred at least stick to their whole “the Bible is the end all be all” even if they pick and choose what parts to believe. Christians who accept us can’t give us a solid reason why. It almost killed me to try and make who I was and the faith I knew fit together. And I looked. Now the question is eating me alive.
The bible verses related to homosexuality:
- Genesis 19 — Sodom and Gomorrah
- Leviticus 18:22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.
- Leviticus 20:13 “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.
- 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
- 1 Timothy 1: 9–11 “We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers — and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.
- Romans 1:26–27 “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
If Christianity is based and built on the Bible, the book of truth, then by being a Christian I am choosing to believe all of the above. I have to choose between believing in the Bible and believing in myself because, by the very definition of what is above, it cannot be both.
If the Bible is true then I was not born gay. That means at some point in my life I made a conscious decision to be this way.
I chose it despite growing up Christian and knowing it was “wrong”. I chose it despite growing up in a community and a family where it wasn’t accepted. I chose it despite knowing that it would cost me friends, family, opportunities, and basic human rights. I chose it even though it would drive me mad. This pain, this suffering, and this fighting that happened in my head and in my soul was a choice, one that I inflicted on myself.
If the Bible is true then I am doomed to a life of internal struggle. Going through days knowing what I am yet trying not to be, like pretending not to be right-handed. I am condemned to a life of remaining single, without a hope of love or family. I still must keep a part of myself hidden as I would before, not acting on that side of me will not make it any more acceptable. Living some sort of a half-life.
If the Bible is not true, then I have taken the very foundation of the religion I grew up with and thrown it away. It calls into question everything I and so many others believe, what we live for and base our identities around. It leaves me free but also falling. And it leaves Christianity a religion without a guide.
In my early college years, I made a choice. I had looked and searched and battled and prayed for years without coming up with an answer. So I made a choice. Not based on knowledge or advice but on the need to stop living in limbo. I chose me. And in doing so lost my faith. I had to choose for my own sanity. But the question remains unanswered because I picked just to stay alive.
Every church sermon, every prayer, and every moment inside one of those steepled buildings would bring the question back. Some sort of broken record stuck on a scratch and mocking me for daring to try and survive without solving its riddle.
I’ve asked around. Rainbow folks come to terms by choosing to. “God is love” and all that jazz. I chose it too. But I can’t let go. Christians who are supportive usually do it for the same reason, they want to believe that God would not find fault with people for loving someone. I want to believe that God would not find fault in me for loving someone. Of all the things I have done in my life, loving a girl was not the one I thought would condemn me. But still, the Bible says…
And so the question festers. I was born gay and your Bible is false or I wasn’t and your Bible is true. It seems like such a simple obvious thing when it’s phrased like that. So let me put it in different words.
Give me a life sentence, and watch as my mind drives me mad to the point of not living in punishment for my choices, or with my very existence, I will single-handedly crumble the foundation of your religion.
That is the question I put forth to every Christian, to every church, to every pastor. I do not take it lightly and neither should they.
Eventually, such a question may come from your daughters, your nephews, your cousins, your friends, your roommates. Hand them a life sentence of misery and madness that only a few will survive or watch as they disprove everything you thought to be true and sacred. Will you have an answer for them or leave them in limbo as I am?
The Bible is true or it isn’t. You don’t get to pick and choose what parts. And no one has been able to give me an answer yet.
